i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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