Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize