Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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