This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
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NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
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Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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