I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
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LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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