I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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