He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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