the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i now understand why vodka
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize