The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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