Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize