I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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