It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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