Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
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I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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