I puked a lego.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize