I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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