I puked a lego.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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