so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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