you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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