i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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