Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
