I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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