Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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