I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
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just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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