I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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