Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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