I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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