nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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