yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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