Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize