Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize