when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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