remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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