Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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