Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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