I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
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i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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