I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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