Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize