I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize