Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize