She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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