im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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