Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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