I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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