I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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