apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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