You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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