Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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