yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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