sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize