Will you blow on my dice?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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