Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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